Cartoons

Office Toons

Faceless Cartoons

Cartoons

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Marriage

* They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

* Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.

* Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

* Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.

* Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

* Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

* Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

* Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

 

Some Clever Business Signs

Some Clever Business Signs
 
1) At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

2) In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there hungry. Come on in and get fed-up."

3) In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

4) On a Plumber's Shop: "We repair what your husband fixed."

5) On the trucks of a plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call us."

6) Pizza Shop Slogan: "Seven days without pizza makes one weak."

7) At a Tyre Shop: "Invite us to your next blowout."

8) On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

9) At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

10) On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

11) In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and put you out."

12) On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're No.1 in the No.2 business."

13) On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

14) At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

15) Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

16) At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be de-Lighted."

17) In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Please drive carefully. We will wait"

Real Observations

 

 

 

The following gems of wisdom were

gleaned from test papers and essays from

elementary, junior high, high school, and

college students :-

 

1. "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and

Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.

Hydrogin is gin and water."

 

2. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

 

3. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines

down on them and makes them perspire."

 

4. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so

they look like umbrellas."

 

5. "Momentum: What you give a person when they

are going away."

 

6. "To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it

in the cow."

 

7. "The parts of speech are lungs and air."

 

8. "The inhabitants of Moscow are called

Mosquitoes."

 

9. "A census taker is a man who goes from house

to house increasing the population."

 

10. "Most of the houses in France are made of

plaster of Paris."

 

11. "The spinal column is a long bunch of

bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on

the bottom."

 

12. "The word trousers is an uncommon noun

because it is singular at the top and plural

at the bottom."

 

13. "Iron was discovered because someone smelt

it."

 

14. "Syntax is all the money collected at the

church from sinners."

 

15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was

deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He

took long walks in the forest even when

everyone was calling for him. Beethoven

expired in 1827 and later died for this.

 

16. The sun never set on the British Empire

because the British Empire's in the East and

the sun sets in the West.

 

17. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is

chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples

are falling off the trees.

 

18. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man

should be hanged twice for the same offence.

 

19. After his death, his career suffered a

dramatic decline.

 

20. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer

but by another man of that name.

 

21. Bach was the most famous composer in the

world and so was Handel. Handel was half

German, half Italian and half

English. He was very large.

 

22. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people,

and without them we wouldn't have history. The

Greeks also had myths. A myth is a

female moth.

 

23. The invention of the steamboat caused a

network of rivers to spring up.

 

24. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She

sat on a thorn for 63 years.