Bushisms

Can the English language survive with this guy ... !!

'The vast majority of our  imports come from outside the country.'

- George W. Bush

 

'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'

- George W. Bush

 

'One word sums up probably the  responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.'

-  George W. Bush

 

 

'I have made good judgments in the past.  I have made good judgments in the future.'

- George W.Bush

 

  

'The future will be better tomorrow.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'We have a firm commitment to  NATO, we are a part of NATO.  We have a firm commitment to Europe.  We are a part of Europe.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'Public speaking is very easy.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.'

- George W. Bush

 

'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'For NASA, space is still a high priority.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'

- George W. Bush

 

 

'It's time for the human race to enter the solar system.'

- George W. Bush

 

Science Exam

Children's Science Exam

  
Q: Name the four seasons.
 A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

 Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made
 safe to drink.
 A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
 large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

 Q: How is dew formed?
 A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
 perspire.

 Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love
 this!)
 A: Keep it in the cow.

 Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
 A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon.
 All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the
 moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

 Q: What are steroids?
 A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

 Q: What happens to your body as you age?
 A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
 intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
 A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
 adultery. (The
 kid gets an A+ for this answer!)

 Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
 A: Premature death.

 Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g.,
 abdomen)
 A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium,
 the borax and the
 abdominal cavity. Th e brainium contains the brain; the
 boraxcontains the
 heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five
 bowels A, E, I,O, and U.

 Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this
 one...)
 A: Nearby.

 Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian
 Section.'
 A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

 Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
 A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

On Men

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
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Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.' The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man asked 'And where the hell were you when I got married?'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'

The whole audience including priest started laughing.......... but not the poor groom!