The Truth -- A nice one

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when u're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
 
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!!" 

 

Santa is great !!!!!

Santa :  I am a proud Sardar, my son is in Medical College .
Banta :  Really, what is he studying,
Santa :  No he is not studying, they are studying him.
       

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What is common between : Krishna , Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus?
Sardar ji Replied :  All are born on Government Holidays.
     

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Santa falls in love with a nurse... after much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her:  "I love you sister."

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Pappu, while filling up a form:  "Dad, what should I write for mother tongue"?
Santa:  "Very long!"
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Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...  Ismein aur colour dikhayiye".
 
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Santa went to battery shop and asked to change the battery.
The shopkeeper asked:  "Exide laga du?"
Santa:  "Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?"

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Frog:   Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai?
Santa:  Hai.
Frog:   Nahin hai.
Santa:  Hai.
Frog:   Nahin hai .
& jumps into the well.
Santa:  Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
 
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Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge:  What'll you take - 30 days or Rs 3000?
Santa: I think I'll take the money.


     
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Q:  How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in school?
A:  He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
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Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta:  "Santa you'll die".
Santa:  "No, you'll die because haven't you heard train is coming on platform?
 
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Q:  A Man asked Santa:  "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola:  "Pehle date of birth to batao."

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Q:  Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A:   Because it was an entrance exam.
 
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What's Ford?
Santa:  Gaadi.
What's Oxford ?
Santa:  So simple, Bail Gaadi
   

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Santa:  My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta:  He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa:  I didn't say he got out.
 
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Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever - "What comes first - the chicken or the egg?"
"O yaar,  jiska order pehle hoga,  vo ayega"!
 
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Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta:  "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
    

 

Me and My Boss

Me and My Boss

 

• When I Take a long time to finish,
  I am slow,
  When my boss takes a long time,
  he is thorough

 

• When I don't do it,
  I am lazy,
  When my boss does not do it,
  he is busy,

 

• When I do something without being told,
  I am trying to
  be smart,
  When my boss does the same,
  he takes the initiative,

 

• When I please my boss,
  I am apple polishing,
  When my boss pleases his boss,
  he is cooperating,

 

• When I make a mistake,
  I' am an idiot.
  When my boss makes a mistake,
  he's only human.

 

• When I am out of the office,
  I am wondering around.
  When my boss is out of the office,
  he's on business.

 

• When I am on a day off sick,
  I am always sick.
  When my boss is a day off sick,
  he must be very ill.

 

• When I apply for leave,
  I must be going for an
  interview
  When my boss applies for leave,
  it's because he's
  overworked

 

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets