Here is a collection of a wacky look at the US forces in Iraq.
Militaries the world over share a common bond, so most of these will appear familiar irrespective of the nationality.
Showing posts with label command. Show all posts
Showing posts with label command. Show all posts
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Humor in Uniform
It is very important to keep your sense of humor when everything around you is going beserk. In stressful combat situations, if you can keep your wits about you, you are sure to last out much longer and come out in one piece.
Here is a collection of a wacky look at the US forces in Iraq.
Militaries the world over share a common bond, so most of these will appear familiar irrespective of the nationality.
Here is a collection of a wacky look at the US forces in Iraq.
Militaries the world over share a common bond, so most of these will appear familiar irrespective of the nationality.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Murphy’s Laws of Armor
(Editor’s Note: The following mysteriously arrived in the ARMOR
Magazine email-box without credit to an author...but he is obviously
a very wise armor guy with a little time on his treads.)
1. Just after you report “Redcon 1” for your qualification run,
you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak.
2. The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to
your tank.
2a. You will run out of fuel before he returns.
3. Tanks don’t float.
4. If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and
going to the field with his unit,
he will ask for a few minutes to
“Think it over.”
5. Attempting to help recover
a mired tank will only result in
your tank becoming mired also.
6. The primary purpose of an
operations order is to ensure
that all blame falls on the line
units.
6a. For this reason, the staff
will not publish an operations
order until after the exercise is
completed.
7. Night vision devices will
only fail at night.
7a. They will function perfectly
once the sun rises.
8. The dirtier and more tired
you are, the less appreciative
you become of “constructive
criticism” from somebody in a
pristine uniform.
9. The heater on your tank
will fail in October. The part to
repair it will arrive in April.
10. No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics
will result in an I.V.
10a. Arguing with the medics about this will result in your
being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition
to the I.V.).
11. When loading the main gun, remember: “pointy end
first.”
12. The only times you will throw a track are: a. At night, b.
in the rain, c. during the movement back to garrison, or d. one
hour after you installed the new ones.
13. Your vehicle will go NMC right after the contact team
leaves the AO.
14. All infantry fighting vehicles don’t look alike.
15. Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being
hunted by helicopters.
16. When you are told your engineer support was needed
elsewhere, the bridge will be out.
17. The exercise will finish and you’ll get back to garrison
just after the wash rack closes.
18. If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes — the larger
ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry.
18a. The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an
anti-tank team setting up.
19. “Rebel yells” are not proper FM radio procedure after a
successful Table VIII shoot.
20. XO math: 3 pacs on the
ground + no fueler + 2 deadlines =
100% FMC.
21. Close air support is safest
from far away.
22. Proving that three feet of
frontal armor protection will defend
against any threat is probably best
demonstrated on someone else’s
track.
23. Hearing an “Aw, shit” soon
after an “on-the-waaay!” means
you’re probably not getting that
promotion.
24. Tanks are very easy to see
unless you’re dismounted and
they’re backing up.
25. The one time you skip the
firing circuit test is when you have
the misfire.
26. “GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER”
is not an appropriate use of ammunition.
27. It is cruel to tell NBC types
“Damn, that Fox looks like a BMP!”
— particularly when live rounds
are being issued.
28. Blackout drive + autobahn + 0345 = polizei.
29. Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way
through a rail tunnel.
30. When doing a gunnery, the tank is always operational
until you get to the ready line.
31. If you are promised “downtime,” what they really mean
is: You will be breaking track.
32. First sergeant math: Buy Gatorade for $1.49 each and
sell for $1.00 each — with the profits going to the unit fund.
Magazine email-box without credit to an author...but he is obviously
a very wise armor guy with a little time on his treads.)
1. Just after you report “Redcon 1” for your qualification run,
you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak.
2. The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to
your tank.
2a. You will run out of fuel before he returns.
3. Tanks don’t float.
4. If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and
going to the field with his unit,
he will ask for a few minutes to
“Think it over.”
5. Attempting to help recover
a mired tank will only result in
your tank becoming mired also.
6. The primary purpose of an
operations order is to ensure
that all blame falls on the line
units.
6a. For this reason, the staff
will not publish an operations
order until after the exercise is
completed.
7. Night vision devices will
only fail at night.
7a. They will function perfectly
once the sun rises.
8. The dirtier and more tired
you are, the less appreciative
you become of “constructive
criticism” from somebody in a
pristine uniform.
9. The heater on your tank
will fail in October. The part to
repair it will arrive in April.
10. No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics
will result in an I.V.
10a. Arguing with the medics about this will result in your
being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition
to the I.V.).
11. When loading the main gun, remember: “pointy end
first.”
12. The only times you will throw a track are: a. At night, b.
in the rain, c. during the movement back to garrison, or d. one
hour after you installed the new ones.
13. Your vehicle will go NMC right after the contact team
leaves the AO.
14. All infantry fighting vehicles don’t look alike.
15. Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being
hunted by helicopters.
16. When you are told your engineer support was needed
elsewhere, the bridge will be out.
17. The exercise will finish and you’ll get back to garrison
just after the wash rack closes.
18. If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes — the larger
ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry.
18a. The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an
anti-tank team setting up.
19. “Rebel yells” are not proper FM radio procedure after a
successful Table VIII shoot.
20. XO math: 3 pacs on the
ground + no fueler + 2 deadlines =
100% FMC.
21. Close air support is safest
from far away.
22. Proving that three feet of
frontal armor protection will defend
against any threat is probably best
demonstrated on someone else’s
track.
23. Hearing an “Aw, shit” soon
after an “on-the-waaay!” means
you’re probably not getting that
promotion.
24. Tanks are very easy to see
unless you’re dismounted and
they’re backing up.
25. The one time you skip the
firing circuit test is when you have
the misfire.
26. “GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER”
is not an appropriate use of ammunition.
27. It is cruel to tell NBC types
“Damn, that Fox looks like a BMP!”
— particularly when live rounds
are being issued.
28. Blackout drive + autobahn + 0345 = polizei.
29. Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way
through a rail tunnel.
30. When doing a gunnery, the tank is always operational
until you get to the ready line.
31. If you are promised “downtime,” what they really mean
is: You will be breaking track.
32. First sergeant math: Buy Gatorade for $1.49 each and
sell for $1.00 each — with the profits going to the unit fund.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Kipling Revisited by Indian Army
IF
(Another version)
DICHOTOMY OF A COMMANDING OFFICER
If he has just taken command,
He will take some time to know the unit.
If he as commanded the unit for long,
It is time for a change.
If his previous assignment was staff,
He has been away from troops for long.
If he has had only regimental /command experience,
His outlook is narrow.
If he is a grade five,
He is too green to carry his rank.
If he has made his rank with class,
He is no genius.
If he questions the judgement of formation HQ ,
He is fighting the whites.
If he concurs with formation HQ,
He lacks guts.
If he creates and imposes the system,
He is not practical and does things the hard way.
If he cuts corners,
He will get his fingers burnt if he hasn't already.
If he makes immediate decisions,
He is impulsive and doesn't consider the ramifications.
If he broods over a problem,
He is indecisive.
If he supervises his subordinates closely,
He doesn't trust them.
If he leaves his subordinates alone,
He is not interested in their work.
If he implies strict control,
He should delegate more authority.
If he delegates authority,
He is a shirker.
If he emphasizes training,
He neglects welfare.
If he emphasis welfare,
He is getting cheap popularity.
If he has an open door policy,
He is inquisitive and interfering.
If he emphasizes the chain of command to function,
He makes himself too in-accessible.
If he has lengthy conferences,
He under estimates the capability of his staff & junior leaders.
If his unit has a low discipline state,
The troops are getting away with murder.
If his unit has a high discipline state,
It reflects his incapability to command.
If he is strict dealing with discipline cases,
He is a sadist.
If he is considerate, lenient and gentleman,
He is a weak commanding officer.
If he…….well: whatever he does, it is wrong.
It is a miracle that in spite of all these ' Ifs'
he has still been retained in the Army.
He ought to retire while he is ahead.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
