Loving husband...........

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying
in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to
touch her in
ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and
then
began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid
his hand
across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down over
one breast,
then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm,
caressed past the side of her breast again, working down
her side,
passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down
her leg to
her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at
the
uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same
manner on her
right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became
silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she
asked in
a loving voice, 'That was wonderful.

Why did you stop?'


'I found the remote,' he said.

Bob!!

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it . She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'





Bob's funeral will be on Friday.

British Post Cards

FRIENDS VS. PUNJABI FRIENDS

FRIENDS VS. PUNJABI FRIENDS


FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just
being
together.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'

FRIENDS: will visit you in jail
PUNJABI FRIENDS: will spend the night in jail with you!!

FRIENDS: have you on speed dial
PUNJABI FRIENDS: have your number memorized

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Are ready to eat and let u eat anything.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: zabardasti butter maar maar k parathe khilaate hain n
khud b datkar khate hain


Some people spend their whole life trying to be perfect, some are
just born Punjabis !!!

Perks of the job

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...

On a Saturday morning...

after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable.

You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here,

I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too,

I never use the home phone.

I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem?

We all use our work telephones !!!!!