Thoughts by Ducky

'LIFE'  THOUGHTS  BY  'DUCKY'


 I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
 So I said 'Implants?'  She hit me.

 Marriage changes passion.
 Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

 How come we choose from just  two people to run for  president and
 over fifty for Miss   America ?

 I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
 loose fitting  clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't
 have signed up in the first place!

 Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able  to tell the  difference.

 Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we  could simply
 press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!


 Wouldn't you know it....
 Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live  forever.

Gujju Engleesh

These are extracts from actual letters sent to Leicester council and Housing associations written by Gujaratis:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3.. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off. 

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have   crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy. 

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. 

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00 am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. 

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. 

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife

 

Nice Cartoons

Fauj ke Asool

bane raho paglay, kam karenge agle,
bane raho lull, tankhwa paao full,
kam se daro nahin, kam ko karo nahin,
kam mat karo, kam ki fiqr karo and fiqr ka zikr karo,
kam karoge to kam milega,
kam nahin karoge to sirf tankhwa milegi,
kam tum nahin karoge to koi aur karega,
aur trust me tumse acha karega

 

Different jokes for a change!!! ... for yr Mallu friends !!!!! !!!!!

Enough of Sardar jokes....... Mallu jokes are here !!!!! !!!!!

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?

 IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?  

 

In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?

 He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?  

 To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?  

To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught  fire?

 He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?  

MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?

 Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?    

He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?

   An Oto

11) Where does he pray?    

 In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?

   A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?

   Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

   Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?

   He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say

   'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?

   " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?

   Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of

   kokanet oil.

 

Why doesn't a mallu kiss while having sex?

Because he is holding his lungi with his teeth...!!!