Laws of Life

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. 

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. 

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. 

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. 

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. 

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. 

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. 

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. 





These two girlfriends are very close, allowing them to be totally honest with each other. 

As one fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, "I'm fat." 

"No, you're not," the other scolded. 

"My hair is awful." 

"It looks just fine." 

"I've never looked worse," she whined. 

"Yes, you have," her friend replied.