Tourism Queries!

The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who

obviously have an excellent sense of humour!

 

 

Q:      Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it  rain on

TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

 A:      We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around

watching them die.

 

Q:      Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)

A:      Depends how much you've been drinking.

 

Q:      I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad

 tracks? (Sweden)

A:      Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

 

Q:       Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India?   (Sweden)

A:      So it's true what they say about Swedes.

 

Q:       Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me

a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)

A:      What did your last slave die of?

 

Q:       Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India?

(USA)

A:      A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

In-di-a is that big triangle in  the middle of the Pacific & Indian

 Ocean  which does not.. oh forget it. ....... Sure, the hippo racing is

every Tuesday night in Goa.  Come naked.

 

Q:       Which direction is North in India? (USA)

A:      Face south and then turn 180 degrees.. Contact us when you get

 here and we'll send the rest of the directions..

 

Q:       Can I bring cutlery into India? (  UK)

A:      Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q:       Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)

A:       Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it.

Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday  night in

 Goa, straight after the hippo races.  Come naked.

 

Q:      Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )

A:      You're a British politician, right?

 

Q:     Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all

 year round? (Germany)

A:      No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers.

 Milk is illegal.

 

Q:    Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

 A:      Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.

All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make  good pets.

 

Q:       Do you have perfume in India? ( France)

A:      No, WE don't stink.

 

Q:       I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.

 Can you tell me where I can sell it in India?  (USA)

A:      Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

Q:       Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)

A:      Only at Christmas.

 

Q:       Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

 A:      Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

 

 

Q:       Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)

A:      As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime..

 

Q:       Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)

A:      No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)