Funny one liners

*   I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in,
 she said: Cheque books.

 *   The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the
 prices of new car.

 *   What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

  *   What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
 A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

 *   Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.

   *   Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in? 

New employee: Yes, sir.
 Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

 *   Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a  dog's  life!

 *   Q: What's the diff between mother & wife? 

A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

 *   Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. 

Why?

Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out funny one liners.